


woodwork

by TheDeviantSentByJericho



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - The Soulmate Goose of Enforcement, Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Heterochromia, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, LMAO, Light Angst, Meet-Cute, Other, POV Second Person, but only because i really don't know how fluff works lmao, but they do not always see it, i actually almost like it, i don't hate it, i guess, ig, it's terrible but not like, lots of fluff, the doctor has a lot of soulmates, which is a good thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28961844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeviantSentByJericho/pseuds/TheDeviantSentByJericho
Summary: It is a wonderful day in the universe, and you are the horrible Soulmate Goose of Enforcement. And you are doing a wonderful job.Even ifsome peoplecan't see it.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Thirteenth Doctor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 8





	woodwork

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [To-Do](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24173878) by [shnuffeluv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv). 



> yes the title is a song reference, what else would it be, i'm incredibly unimaginative. shnuffeluv, on the other paw, is a genius.

* * *

Step One: Enter the TARDIS.

* * *

  
That part was easy. You were the Soulmate Goose Of Enforcement, you were as close to a universal deity as it got. Well, except for the Doctor themself, of course. 

It helped that you and the TARDIS were old friends, of a sort. She was always willing to let you hitch a ride somewhere if you needed, whether the Doctor knew about it or not.

  
You waddled in and sat on top of a clearer section of the console.

* * *

Step Two: Get the Doctor to land on Earth

* * *

When the Doctor walked in, it was clear there was something wrong. You'd timed it well, but there were consequences to ideal moments, and the ones for this was the clear pain and weariness on the Doctor's usually cheerful face.

You honk, unimpressed. This would not do.

The Doctor glanced at you, sighed. "Take it you want a ride then, old friend?"

As always, the Doctor seemed to be able to understand your honks. "No, I'm not going with you, Goosey. I've had thoroughly enough of soulmates, thank you very much."

If you could have, you would have sighed. This was about Yazmine, wasn't it? It wasn't _your_ fault time lords went through soulmates like you went though bread on a pondside.

Speaking of which, you were hungry. Hopefully, the doctor would stop being stubborn in time for you to have lunch. A goose can hope.

"Yes, this is about Yaz! And Rose, and River, and every other soulmate you've tried to set me up with! I fall in love, they leave, they break my heart! Or worse, I get them killed. I don't want any part of it."

You honk, fluffing up your feathers, irritated. Better they leave than what happened with the Master. Long-term soulbonds with the Doctor just didn't work out, you had learned, regardless of the lifespan of the other party. So you found a better way. Why couldn't she just see that?

"Goosey, no! Can't you just leave me be? The only soulmate I need is the TARDIS."

Bullshit. Sure, that soulbond was necessary and close, but for all their claims otherwise, the Doctor was not good with only one. And she knew it.

"Goos-" She was cut off by a noise from the TARDIS. Hopping down, you took the opportunity to preen for a second. They had arrived.

* * *

Step Three: Steal the Doctor's jacket

* * *

Ah yes. The fun bit. 

The Doctor was reaching for her jacket, but you were faster and closer, and grabbing it in your bill was fairly easy. Of course, it was way too large and heavy for an ordinary goose, but you were far from ordinary. Also you had experience.

"You'll get it dirty! Goose!" Thirteen's cries were half-hearted as you sped out of the TARDIS and into the human world.

* * *

Step Four: Steal the man's bowler hat

* * *

You knew what you were doing. At this time, the man should be... yes! There he is! On the bench!

He looked askance at you, mildly shocked by the sight of a large goose walking faster than any goose really had the right to do, especially while carrying such a long coat. Only mildly though, to his credit.

You had to be fast, now. The timing must be precise, or your entire plan would fall apart.

But you were never one to back down from a challenge.

Accelerating, you hopped up on the bench, dropping the coat across the man's lap. He looked at you with two coloured eyes that were filled with some kind of curiosity. You did not have time to fill it.

In moments, you had refilled your beak with the edge of his nice black bowler hat, darting away before he could stop you.

Now, to find the Doctor.

* * *

Step Five: Make it rain

* * *

She was walking slowly, for her anyway, seemingly conflicted. You drop the hat at her feet as the clouds roll in. 3...2...1...

The first drops hit your feathers as the Doctor's fingertips touched the hat. Perfect.

She straightened with a scowl. "I take it you've dumped my coat on the poor owner of this here hat?"

You honk cheerfully. 

"Alright then Goosey, I concede. Lead the way."  
  


You do, leading the way to the man, who sits, bemused, exactly where you left him.

* * *

Step Six: Get the idiots to notice each other

* * *

"Apologies about the goose," the Doctor introduces, offering the hat. "It's incredibly stubborn when it comes to meeting people."

The man laughed. "So it's your goose then?" he asks, extending the slightly damp coat in return. "I wish, maybe then it'd listen to me! No, we're just old friends." He didn't seem shocked or concerned at the way the Doctor talked. You liked that. 

"I'm the Doctor, by the way," she said, leaning down to scratch the back of your head pleasantly.

"Doctor who?" 

"Just the Doctor!"

"Well in that case, I'm Deceit." He smiled, holding out a gloved hand. "That's quite a nickname!" remarked the Doctor as she took it. 

"So is yours," he responded lightly. "But an old friend gave it to me. I am something of an impulsive liar, you know."

"That's interesting!"

* * *

Step Seven: Get the idiots to fall in love.

* * *

"Would you be interested in popping into that café over there? Just to get out of the rain?

"That sounds _loathesome_ , Doctor."

If you could have, you might have smiled, the self-satisfied smile of a job well done once more.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [More Time With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29066292) by [edupunkn00b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edupunkn00b/pseuds/edupunkn00b)




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